Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a woman whose children have grown up and moved out to do their own thing, but she now feels she has no real purpose
Dear Coleen
I’m a married woman in my 50s and have two grown-up children – a son, who’s been working abroad since September, and a daughter, who’s recently had a baby with her fiancé.
While I feel so blessed and lucky that both my children are thriving and enjoying their lives, my life feels a bit empty. I had both my kids at home until the end of last year, along with my daughter’s fiancé.
Then my son moved abroad, followed quickly by my daughter and her fiancé, who left to buy their first home together.
I actually loved having them all here and I miss them.
I do bits and pieces of work from home but it’s not enough to keep me interested and busy.
My husband still goes out to work and I’ve found myself on my own some days, doing absolutely nothing.
Honestly, I feel a bit lost – everyone else seems to have a purpose and I don’t know what mine is any more.
Any ideas on how to get out of this rut I’ve found myself in?
Coleen says
I struggled with similar feelings in my early 50s – feeling redundant because my kids were older and needed me less and feeling a bit directionless for the first time.
It’s a challenging life stage and you have to make some adjustments.
However, if you can reframe it, so it’s not all about loss (kids flying the nest, menopause and so on), you begin to see it’s also the perfect time to find out what’s going to make you happy and fulfilled in this next chapter of life, and there are so many possibilities.
You’ve done a great job with your kids and now this is your time, and you deserve it.
Be brave about trying new things, which could be work- related or just for fun. It’s also a good time for you and your husband to do some of that stuff you put on the back burner while raising your kids.
Also, if you’ve created the type of home where your kids always feel welcome, they’ll keep coming back – trust me! And don’t be shy to let them know you miss them and would like to see them.
I have a feeling you’ll be seeing a lot of your daughter now she has the baby.
I love being a grandmother and I think this is an exciting time for you. Get stuck in!
