Dave Chawner, from Burton-on-Trent, has shared his experience with anorexia in the hopes to help other people struggling with eating disorders.
A man who suffered from anorexia said his condition was partly “fuelled” by people complimenting his ‘weight loss.’ Dave Chawner, 36, has spoken out about the realities of living with anorexia after Tom Daley reflected on his experience with body dysmorphia and bulimia ahead of his new documentary.
At its worst, Dave described his anorexia as a “passive suicide attempt” and said he used his body to show that he wasn’t okay. He would skip university classes to weigh himself, and despite knowing it was abnormal behaviour, he would justify it “as other addicts do” by saying it was his “quirk.”
Despite friends and family pleading with him to get help, Dave said – due to the condition – he wrongly convinced himself being able to eat very little gave him “power and superiority.” He eventually got help after a nurse intervened, and he spent two and a half years as an outpatient.
Now happy and healthy, he works with the eating disorder charity Beat. He also runs a mental-health-themed comedy course.
Dave, a comedian from Burton-On-Trent, said: “I think it was more born out of insecurity and striving for an identity – and to a lesser extent, I think all people have that – but weight and calories became an obsession – it was something to zero in on.
“By the later days, I actively wanted to look ill. It later became a passive suicide attempt. At that point in time, I knew I was not okay, but I didn’t have the words to show that, so I used my body.”
Dave’s anorexia was born out of a combination of different factors that affected him mentally and physically in his teens. He added: “I had a lovely childhood, but when university was coming up and I had to leave friends and family, it was a way of being in control of something when everything else was out of control.
“When I lost weight, people started giving me compliments, so that fuelled it. There was also a lot of stuff in the background to do with masculinity – I was never an alpha male, and I became very camp and very feminine, and that was quite fun.
“There isn’t one sort of specific point that makes you go down that path. There’s the physical side of things, but also the mental side of things, and it’s really uncomfortable.
“I don’t want to promote it, of course, but it felt like it gave me power and superiority that I could look at a well-stocked fridge and be absolutely famished and say ‘no, I’m not going to eat that’.
“I remember my mum crying and screaming at me, saying I was anorexic, and my mates pulling me aside but it’s pretty difficult to tell, like with an alcoholic. There were times when I was skipping lessons to go home and weigh myself, and I realized it was abnormal behaviour, but you justify in a way that other addicts do in that ‘this is my quirk, and it’s not actually a problem.'”
Dave first began to realise things were serious when he was teaching English to foreign language students. He said: “I remember arriving for this job and I couldn’t control what I was eating all of a sudden.
“No healthy option at all provided for you. I was binge eating in front of the kids, and it was horrible and embarrassing – a common misconception about anorexia is the binge eating.
“I started hiding food in my room, and it was only when one of the teachers told me they’d been in treatment for bulimia and asked if I might be anorexic.
“That was first time someone asked me, rather than telling me. The only reason I engaged was a little bit of really useful tough love from a nurse at talking therapy.
“The nurse turned round to me and said, ‘you wouldn’t expect your laptop to work if you’re not charging it, you can’t expect your brain to work if you’re not feeding it.’ I decided I would engage after that, and I was very lucky that I had two and half years of outpatient care.
“I was then willing to get help and had incredible help through NHS and Beat, and yeah, it’s sad that it got to that point, but it’s incredible that there was that help.”
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When not on stage making people laugh, Dave runs an online comedy course to try and help others. He has also written a book about his recovery experience.
Dave said: “When I wrote the book I used a psychological theory about change not happening in one jump, it happens in stages and I also wanted to use stand-up as a tool for recovery. The problem I had with recovery is people always talked about taking it away, not giving anything back, and I think you can negatively frame things sometimes.
“My partner and I talk a lot about it, and to be honest, you would be surprised how many acts in green rooms talk to me about eating disorders with people connected to them. People don’t see it as a spectrum, people think it’s either extreme or you don’t have it.
“The comedy courses are basically a six-week online comedy course specifically aimed at people with mental health problems. Helping to build confidence and communication skills. I think there are a lot of blokes that do want to talk but don’t know how to do it.”
Tom Quinn, Beat’s director of external affairs, added: “While there is a pervasive myth that eating disorders only affect young white women, this couldn’t be further from the truth. At least 1.25 million people in the UK have an eating disorder, and we estimate that 1 in 4 of them are men – although that fraction could be higher due to the additional barriers men face when seeking help.
“The stereotype that eating disorders are a ‘female illness’ can make some men feel too embarrassed to seek treatment, or they might not even realise they’re unwell at all. This is particularly dangerous as it can lead to delays in their treatment, which can make their recovery much more challenging.
“We applaud Tom Daley for speaking out about his experience. When men in the public eye come forward, it can give other men the confidence to seek treatment because it reinforces the idea that anyone can be affected by an eating disorder.”
If you are looking for support, contact Beat Eating Disorders by visiting the organisation’s website here.