The sister of a groom-to-be says that she has ‘started to get tired’ of making an effort to fly over seas to see her family but claims they won’t accommodate her when she needs – now she doesn’t want to attend her brother’s wedding
Family dynamics can be hard but one woman is tired of “making all the effort” – now she doesn’t want to attend her brother’s wedding.
Whenever someone gets married in a family, it tends to be a big deal and it’s often one of those key occasions where everyone gets together. But the reality is that such special occasions can be a costly affair and often involve travel. A US-born woman has put her foot down about attending her brother’s second wedding because of “all the time and money” she would be spending.
The sister explained on Reddit recently that she has lived overseas for over a decade and often finds herself “spending a lot of money” flying home to see her loved ones for Christmases, birthdays, and other special occasions.
So when her brother got engaged and began planning his wedding, she thought it would be more worth her while if she could bring someone with her. She asked her brother is would be able to bring a plus one – but he “refused” and reportedly told her that she could if she “had a partner or someone you were sharing a life with”.
She said: “This hurt my feelings so badly and I couldn’t believe of all the time and money I’ve spent to fly home for special occasions over the last decade, including his first wedding, he wouldn’t accommodate this for me.”
She confessed: “I started to get tired of spending so much money to fly home for all of these occasions while made to feel like because I’m single, childless, and don’t have your typical celebratory ‘milestones’ in life that it’s taken a bit of a toll on my mental health. Things like weddings and nieces/nephews birthdays I come home for are just a constant reminder I’m still single.”
The sister said for her brother’s first wedding, around 10 years ago, she flew home for that and spend “lots of money” on suits, gifts, and attended his bachelor party. She added: “I couldn’t believe of all the time and money I’ve spent to fly home for special occasions over the last decade, including his first wedding, he wouldn’t accommodate this for me.
“My best friend is someone he also knows and likes and has spent other family occasions with us over the years.” Explaining how she came to her decision to not attend the wedding, she commented: “I basically said then if he can’t make this very small sacrifice for me then I didn’t even know if I was going to attend which upset him, but I’m just at a point in my life that I’m tired of having to be the one to make all the effort.”
She added that the wedding is small and if it were the other way around she would allow her brother’s best friend to attend. She asked Reddit users for advice and if she was being “unreasonable” for her decision.
Hundreds rushed to share their thoughts in the comments – with the majority agreeing with the annoyed sister. One individual said: “You can ask and your brother can say no. And then you can choose not to attend.
“Have you ever said anything to your family about how you feel about all the time and money you’ve spent traveling home and that they rarely come to visit you? You do have choices. You can choose not to go back for every occasion and event. Given it is affecting your mental health, I suggest you stop going back so often.”
One other, relating to the situation, said: “Stop spending all your time and money on other people. I fell into this trap when I was younger and I stopped after I realized I spent all my vacation time visiting them. They took no time off when I was home and still went on vacations. Just not to see me.
One other pointed out: “Your brother confirmed that the wedding can accommodate another person just not your friend. It’s annoying when family members are so obsessed with whether or not you have a significant other.”
But one other individual disagreed and pointed out that the brother should be able to invite who he likes to his wedding. They said: “It’s fine that you asked. It’s fine that you’re hurt he said no.
“However, it is HIS wedding, and the only people whose wants matter are the couple getting married. He shouldn’t have to make any sacrifices for his and his partner’s day. Nor is he obligated to have someone attending that he doesn’t want there.”
Seeing both sides, another said: “He has the right to refuse your plus one. You have the right to refuse to attend. No one can force you. Honestly, I’d skip the wedding and arrange a trip to visit your friend when it’s convenient for both of you.”
Do you agree? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
