A chance Facebook post led Mary Chater into an intense and passionate online relationship, but it wasn’t long before the red flags started showing. Here she warns Mirror readers to take heed of her love scam ordeal
A woman who fell foul of a cruel romance scam has opened up about how she was charmed by a fraudster who presented himself as a dashing doctor.
Mary Chater, 67, was at a vulnerable stage in her life when, just before Christmas 2022, she shared a snap of some freshly baked mince pies on Facebook.
A couple of years before, Mary had lost her beloved husband of 23 years, actor Julian Curry. Their marriage had been a “ridiculously happy” one, filled with laughter, adventure and a shared love of Shakespearean theatre.
Suddenly, Mary was alone, and although nobody could have taken her husband’s place, she knew she wanted a man in her life. She told the Mirror: “Some people are more self-sufficient, and I just prefer to share my life with somebody. All aspects of my life, you know, physical life and mental life.”
When she shared her festive baking snap, Mary, who admits she isn’t all that comfortable with the online world, didn’t realise her profile was set to public. It was then that she began receiving messages from ‘Dani’.
READ MORE: Urgent £5,486 warning to anyone who has a ‘dodgy TV box’
Mary, then living in Brighton, was instantly enamoured by the “very attractive” sandy-haired man in Dani’s profile picture. In fact, he reminded her of a man she’d enjoyed a holiday romance with in Italy some 40 years before.
She recalled: “This man Dani was very chatty and very complimentary and said, ‘you don’t look your age’, and you know, I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff”.
Smooth-talking Dani was full of compliments, and Mary admits she was “putty in his hands”. She shared: “He seduced me by using the words that we all like to hear when we’re thinking we might get some kind of romantic attachment going.”
Dani’s messages were peppered with flirty words of affection, referring to Mary as “sexy”, “beautiful”, “babe”, and “honey”. But it wasn’t just his charm that won the actress over. Trusting by nature, Mary is someone who greatly admires those with altruistic pursuits, and Dani painted his own life as one of selfless dedication.
Mary thought that Dani was a trauma surgeon working with the United Nations (UN) in Somalia. They spoke about everything from his medical training to his son, who Dani claimed was cared for by his mother in America. All this gave a full, real idea of the person behind the screen.
She said: “I wanted to make this man real because he felt real in my heart, and you know, I don’t think I even thought it was a scam. I was desperate for loving words and people to say nice things to me and because I’d had all that for twenty-three years from my beautiful husband.”
It wasn’t long before things turned intimate. Mary revealed: “I hadn’t sent him any photos or anything like that, but we certainly used language that was all about sex.”
Their communication became “like an addiction” to Mary, who was left glued to her phone, waiting for Dani to message. The so-called surgeon very much directed how often they were able to chat, as, in his words, it depended on how busy he was treating patients who’d been attacked by Al-Shabaab, an extreme Islamist militant group based in Somalia. However, they would always speak twice a day.
As well as messages, they also had plenty of video calls; however, in Mary’s words, “I never saw the man”. Dani would claim the connection was too poor to get a clear image from his side, while other times the picture was too dark for Mary to really make him out. She remembered: “I was just trying my hardest to see if the words were coinciding with the lips.”
The fast-burning relationship was passionate and intense, and Dani even persuaded Mary to partake in a blood oath to prove her loyalty, something she viewed as “weird” from the off.
“That was very early one morning. And he said, ‘You’ve got to do this so that you’ll always be faithful to me,'” Mary explained. “And I said, ‘This is f****** ridiculous. I’ve never even met you’. I mean, how can I be faithful to somebody I haven’t met? Because we haven’t even had sex yet.
“He said, You just got to do a blood oath. You prick your finger, photograph the blood, and send me the photo. So I did that, and I couldn’t get any blood out. It really hurt. It was so painful. But blood did come out.
“So I said, ‘Oh, it’s so painful’. And he said, ‘Well, that’s why I wanted to be a doctor. And this is what got me, because he said, ‘When I was a very young boy and kids, you know, we’re all playing out together, and somebody would hurt themselves playing, I always wanted to cover up their wound with the plaster or stitch them up, and that’s when I decided to be a doctor’. And that just finished me off. I was just crying my eyes out.”
Now realising how manipulated she’d been, Mary added: “I mean, how ridiculous. But that was the level that he’d got me. He just had me every which way. Emotionally, physically, mentally, psychologically. I was his.”
Dani didn’t ask for money at first, but it wasn’t long until the requests started coming. The first time, he asked Mary for a gift card for his son Barry, whom she’d never even met. Mary refused: “I think the phrase I said, I’m not a magic money tree.”
The first red flags were well and truly raised, but his requests stopped for a bit, and Mary continued with her long-distance romance. Then, when she sold her car, Dani once again asked for money, which Mary once again refused.
But eventually, sly Dani, who’d gotten the measure of Mary’s altruistic nature, found a way to empty her pockets, telling her he needed research into remote explosive devices. According to Mary: “I was quite excited, it was as if I was on a drug, I was a bit high on the thrill of it all.”
Mary started purchasing Google Play Gift Cards for Dani at his request, at £150 a time. At one shop, she was asked whether she knew the person she was sending the gift card to, as these were known to be a favourite amongst fraudsters. She lied and said that she did. At Boots, Mary was outright refused, with her bank putting a stop to the purchase.
When she told Dani, he became angry. Once again, she called him out, asking him to be “more appreciative”, and the charming mask went up once more, with the rage hidden behind “gushy” apologies. It was at this point that Mary opened up to her stepson, Patrick, about her blossoming romance.
After a search online, Patrick and his girlfriend found no trace of Dani in relation to the UN, and warned his stepmother that it could all be a scam. But Mary wasn’t ready to give up on her fantasy just yet, and fibbed to Patrick, reassuring him that no money had exchanged hands. Then things ramped up again.
Mary and Dani began planning for her to fly out to Somalia for a visit, with Dani advising her that she needed to pay a deposit up front to stay in a UN compound, which would cover her “stay and upkeep”. But when she tried sending over the cash, her bank blocked it.
She said: “A woman called me up from the bank and said, ‘We’re convinced this is a fraud, and you’ve got to stop doing it’. And she talked to me for quite a long time. And I said, ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand. Thank you very much. I can’t believe I’ve fallen prey to this, but I have, and I’ll stop doing it’.
“And of course, I was getting all these texts saying, Where are you? And I love you, and all this s***, you know. And of course, I started talking to him again. Having told the bank I wouldn’t.”
With Dani knowing “exactly what to say and where it would land in [her] heart”, Mary continued trying to send over the deposit, even though the form looked suspiciously like “a cut and paste job”, this time sending over smaller sums so as not to arouse suspicion from the bank.
“I was so desperate to see the man for real because I could never see him online, and it was still very passionate, and you know, he made me feel good,” the woman admitted.
But when she sent over £750, Mary received another call from the bank, this time from an “amazing man” who finally helped her see things clearly. She shared: “He was very calm, he wasn’t judgmental. I don’t know what it was about him, but it made me realise I’ve got to stop doing this.”
Having come to a decision, Mary didn’t cave into Dani’s constant pleas of “Where are you?”, but she did send him a happy birthday message. It was then that things took yet another wild turn.
Mary continued: “I texted him and I said, ‘Happy birthday’. And he said, I’ve got something to tell you. I’m actually a doctor in Denmark.” And I thought, well, that’s bloody weird. Why is he telling me this? And so I said, ‘Okay, I’ve got to go now, I’ve got to do some work. I’ll be in touch again soon’.”
A quick Google search led Mary to the person whose identity Dani had stolen – Christian Gerhard Boving, a real-life family doctor who was married to another man. For ten years, Christian’s image had been used by fraudsters to lure victims.
Fortunately, Mary was able to get her money back and knows she was, in some cases, lucky. Other victims of fraud have been so deeply impacted by their ordeal that they have tragically died by suicide.
The realisation that she had been duped had certainly taken a toll on Mary, who was left unable to sleep for around five months. She’s also much more “wary” than she once was.
On top of the emotional turmoil was the “pride” that initially stopped her from opening up about what she’d been through to two of her best friends, even though she desperately wanted to. It’s this sense of shame that she’s keen to tackle going forward, hoping to help other women navigate similarly complicated situations.
Last year, Mary came face-to-face with the real doctor Christian, whom she’s described as a “really nice man”. But for all her awareness raising, Mary is eager not to dwell too much on the past, and has plenty to celebrate going forward.
She’s now made the move from Brighton to Cricklewood, North London, where she’s thrown herself into the thespian scene, setting up her own community theatre company, and appearing in a new version of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night.
Mary reflected: “I want to be with real people in a real room. I don’t want my life to be online. I just think you don’t get the real picture if you’re online, you know, and people can say things and just hide behind the screen, which is very dangerous.”
The woman also has a “lovely new boyfriend” of two and a half years, sharing: “We talked online for three months before we met and saw one another constantly, you know. So I knew it was him. It’s really wonderful.”
Offering advice to Mirror readers on how to dodge romance tricksters, Mary urged: “As soon as they mention money, you just get rid of it, stop. If money comes up, that is outrageous. It’s such a red flag.”
Wayne Stevens, National Fraud Lead at Victim Support, said: “Romance fraud is emotionally sophisticated and is often carried out by experienced criminals who know exactly how to manipulate trust. Victims are never to blame. These scams can involve a gradual build-up of contact, declarations of love, and subtle forms of manipulation and control.
“To protect yourself, be cautious when meeting new people online; avoid sharing too much personal information, and if something feels off, trust your instincts and speak to a friend or family member. If you’re asked for money, gifts, or pressured to invest in something, walk away. If you think you’ve been a victim, contact your bank immediately, report it to Action Fraud, and seek independent support. Victim Support offers free, confidential help to anyone affected.”
If you think you or someone you know may be a victim of romance fraud, support is available from Victim Support. The charity offers free, confidential help whether or not the crime has been reported to the police. You can speak to someone via their 24/7 Support Line on 08 08 16 89 111, use the Live Chat service at www.victimsupport.org.uk, or explore other ways to get help through the website.
Do you have a story to share? Email me at julia.banim@reachplc.com
READ MORE: Emma Louise Connolly’s ‘beautifully made’ Boden trousers are ‘selling like hotcakes’
