‘If Elon Musk’s Scouse Nan were still alive she’d send him this long post on X’

Scouse nans, they don’t hold back. Coincidentally, it’s come to light that Elon Musk might be obsessed with events in the UK because he had a Scouse nan. Really? Well I’d like to imagine that, were his Scouse nan still alive, she’d send him this long post on X.

Eight years ago this month I was in Washington covering Donald Trump’s first presidential inauguration.

That’s the one he claimed attracted more devoted followers than a pilgrimage to Mecca when there were so many gaps in the crowd in the National Mall I could have organised a five-a-side kickaround.

It was an ugly day played out against a soundtrack of smashed windows and wailing sirens as 217 protesters were arrested for rioting and six police officers were injured. A foretaste of the divisive horror that would explode on Capitol Hill four years later when a beaten Trump refused to accept defeat.

The following day was uplifting though, as half-a-million women marched in protest on Washington, some holding banners that said “Keep Your Filthy Paws Off My Silky Drawers”, “Make My Pussy Safe Again”, “We Shall Overcomb” and the ingenious: “SUPER CALLOUS FRAGILE RACIST SEXIST LYING POTUS”.

That day, women marched against the ogre they labelled “The Pussy Grabber-In-Chief” in cities around the world. And I’m probably biased but the placards that made me laugh the loudest were held up in my home town of Liverpool. Ones like: “Even us Scousers think you’re too orange” and “Trump is a blert” (Liverpudlian for minger). Scouse women of all ages turned out to show their contempt for Trump, just as they did against the far-right during last summer’s riots when one woman in her 70s stood defiantly outside a Liverpool mosque with the banner “Nans Against Nazis”.

That’s the thing about Scouse nans, they don’t hold back. Coincidentally, it’s come to light that Elon Musk might be obsessed with events in the UK because he had a Scouse nan. As he proudly posted this week: “My nana grew up very poor in England during the Great Depression only to be bombed in WW2,” and “she might have been abducted in present day Britain”.

Really? Well I’d like to imagine that, were his Scouse nan still alive, she’d send him this long post on X:

“Get a grip, Elon, lad. What’s all this crap you’re coming out with? Do you know who bombed us in the Blitz? The fascists. Wasn’t that what his generals called that big lump you’ve just helped get into power in America? And have you listened lately to the people you’re sucking up to in Britain?

“That Tommy Robinson isn’t a ­political prisoner, he’s a hooligan who got rich stirring racial hatred and he’s in jail because he broke the law. You should know all about convicted felons as your head seems to be permanently stuck up the jacksie of one.

“You reckon I might have been abducted if I was still a poor girl in Liverpool. Lad, the only mass grooming on show here is the nail salons on every corner.

“How can you call Jess Phillips a rape genocide apologist when you opened a Tesla showroom in Xinjiang where China is accused of carrying out slavery and genocide against the Uyghurs?

“How can you pretend to have sympathy for girls who’ve been badly treated when your own daughter hates you so much she’s dropped our Musk name because she says you’re a cruel narcissist?

“As for your dad saying you might buy Liverpool FC, I wouldn’t if I were you because you’d be welcomed on the Kop about as warmly as a Margaret Thatcher hologram. Then serenaded out of the city in the time-honoured fashion for fascist fanboys, with a mass rendition of the Benny Hill theme tune.

Yours, Scouse Nan.

P.S. You haven’t half ballsed-up Twitter, ya blert.”