Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a confused reader who’s got a girlfriend but thinks he might want more than just friendship with someone else
Dear Coleen
I’m a guy in my 20s and have been dating my girlfriend for just over a year. It’s good, but I’ve started to think that I’m in love with my female best friend, who I’ve known for years, as our mums are friends.
I think about her all the time when we’re apart, even when I’m with my girlfriend. I also find myself comparing my girlfriend to her, as well as every other girl I meet, and no one comes close to her.
I don’t know how she’d take it, though, if I admitted how I feel. We’ve been friends forever and nothing romantic or sexual has ever happened.
Plus, she’s usually never without a boyfriend and could have her pick of anyone.
What do I do in this situation? I’m worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. I also feel guilty because my girlfriend is great, but I don’t feel the excitement I feel when I’m with my friend.
I can’t wait to hang out with her and miss her when we’re not together. She’s currently single, which makes this situation even more tortuous. I could really use some advice.
Coleen says
If you’re feeling this way about someone else, I don’t think you should be in this relationship because it’s not fair on your girlfriend, keeping her on a string, while you figure out what you want. If it turned out that your friend was interested in you romantically, it sounds like you’d drop your girlfriend like a hot brick!
And if it wasn’t your friend, then maybe it would be someone else, in which case you’re not ready for this relationship or probably any relationship.
What you need to do is be single for a while and have a clear head, and if your friend is interested and still single, then maybe something will happen, but at least make a choice.
I would hate to be with someone who was thinking about someone else all the time, so don’t do that to your girlfriend. It’s hard to let someone down, but you don’t have to mention your friend – just explain that you don’t think you’re ready to take the relationship forward and be that serious at this point in your life.
She will be hurt, but it’s kinder in long run for both of you.
Just don’t finish with her hoping you’ll run into the arms of this friend because she might not feel the same.
Also, remember that you get on great with this girl because you have a long-standing friendship, but things might be different if you’re lovers.
