After dealing with intense anxiety any time she drank alcohol, journalist Jess Flaherty decided to try sober living. The original plan was to do it for a year but now, there’s no turning back
Dry January is upon us but I have a bit of a head start – in August, I celebrated one whole year sober.
I’m not an alcoholic but booze was having a serious impact on my mental health and anxiety so I decided to ditch it for good and now, I don’t see myself ever drinking again.
Alcohol is at the core of so many social occasions, and I certainly liked to indulge. It can make nervousness dissipate, social anxiety fade away slightly, and it could make even the dullest nights on the town become riddled with some of the funniest, wildest stories.
I was only ever really a social drinker – ridiculously fussy, I hate wine and all its similar associates like Prosecco and Rosé, and the same goes for lagers and beers, so it only really left me with sickly sweet ciders (Strawberry and Lime Kopparberg, be still my beating heart), and spirits. Cocktails were my favourite but since they’re so delicious and the alcohol content is expertly mixed and therefore disguised, it didn’t take long before I got myself in some states.
At university – many, many years ago – I never got hangovers so getting ridiculously drunk never taught me any lessons. All my friends were the same, it was part and parcel of the experience, and we were keen to have a good time.
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But, as the years passed by, the drinks that used to fill me with confidence and the energy to stay out until the early hours of the next morning started to bring in severe anxiety. It got to the point where only one or two drinks after work with a friend would have me spiralling and panicking, even though I could recall every single minute since that first sip. The next day, my heart would still be racing and I’d be on edge, unable to ignore the haunting black cloud of anxiety following me around.
I tried to ignore it as social occasions came around because alcohol helped get rid of any trepidation about being around new people at weddings or hen-dos. But, after one very drunken night out in August 2023, the anxiety the next day was horrific. It left me shaking and not wanting to leave the house, and I thought, I just don’t want to deal with this anymore. It was the last straw. I decided I was done.
I declared I wanted to do one whole year sober to see how I felt, and I very easily slipped into a new, alcohol-free routine on nights out and at other social events.
People seem to be much more accepting of a person who doesn’t drink at all, rather than someone who chooses to have the odd night sober. Most people have been very supportive of my decision to go sober, and it seems there’s a rising flurry of people embarking on a similar journey.
There’s many people online sharing their experience of sober living – the hashtag #sober boasts 4.5million posts on Instagram, while #soberlife has amassed 2.8million. Made In Chelsea alum Millie Mackintosh is very open about her decision to live life sober, even writing a book about her experience.
I’ve surprised myself by how easy it’s been at times. I’ve gone to weddings, hen dos, birthday celebrations, nights out, all sorts; all sober, and it’s been completely fine.
The slight anxiety ahead of a social occasion is nothing compared to the anxiety I’d be plagued with after having a drink or two. I’ve loved being able to recount every second of such joyous occasions, and waking up without a hangover or “hangxiety”, as it’s often dubbed, has been wonderful.
I feel an odd sense of power in cutting out alcohol. It’s made me feel stronger and more in control. I’m also quite proud of myself for taking decisive action to better my mental health and ensure that at least one source of anxiety is kept firmly at bay.
