A trip to Zambia begins to answer life’s big questions.
1) What do you do when there’s a hippo outside your front door?
2) Why do impalas “pronk”?
3) Who wins between a leopard and a porcupine?
The best time to ponder these questions is at sundowners – where everything stops. Complete your safari, river cruise or fishing trip and pull up a chair, break out the local cocktails, and watch the magical African sunset disappear behind the back of a mountain the locals call “Never Again” (because they hate climbing it).
That’s Zambia in a nutshell – a dash of adventure, some luxury and a fair bit of craziness thrown in for good measure. You’d think this land-locked country in Western Africa is just full of natural wonders such as Victoria Falls – but in Lusaka it’s all about people.
Around 3.3 million pack a capital offering the best of the west, while hanging on to what makes it truly African. The contrasts are extreme. Just 40 minutes away from the state-of-the-art hotel complex Ciela – all set up for business – you are in Lusaka National Park at an elephant sanctuary run by a woman from Essex (yes, really).
Almost a third of Zambia consists of 20 national parks and 34 reserves with lions, leopards, elephants and hippos – lots of hippos.
Here I am in one of them, just a few miles away from the nearest Nando’s (fun fact: Nando’s is actually an African brand) but also a few yards away from a pair of white rhinos that wander the park freely. Well, we say freely but they are flanked by guards at all times to keep them safe from poachers, which shows just how much Zambians value their conservation.
Another contrast is felt at Grandaddy’s Shoka Nyama – a Lusaka institution. Based on an old Southern US smokehouse, it’s packed to the rafters even on a Wednesday night. You could be anywhere in the world as we all sit down to watch European football, until they break out a Mumbwa Mule and you know you’re in Africa
.If you love a Travelodge then Zambia isn’t the place for you. Think sprawling, bespoke lodges each with a distinct personality. Most are privately owned and have their own theme and memorable staff.
First up for us was Lilayi Lodge, located a few miles from the centre of Lusaka on roads of varying quality. It touches the wild with 650 hectares where you can watch a family of giraffes wander around before you retire to one of 10 deluxe villas. Also in Lusaka, the Ciela is a more traditional hotel with 249 fully air-conditioned rooms, gym, high-class restaurants, conference centre and obligatory golf course. No real wildlife here, but there is a craft brewery, so it’s swings and roundabouts really.
The main thrust of this trip was to sample the mighty Zambezi, home to the main waterway in these parts which leads all the way down to Victoria Falls. Baines’ River Camp on the northern bank of the river boasted larger bespoke lodges that look out towards Zimbabwe. This is where I had my man-versus-hippo encounter outside the hut, as well as fearless guide Leonard taking us kayaking in crocodile-infested waters.
Just up the river, The Royal Zambezi Lodge is a mainstay of these parts. It has a different riff with crafted tents boasting their own private plunge pools – popular with monkeys when they think you’re not looking – and even a spa. My tent was on the perimeter of the camp and an elephant walked a few feet from me as I lazed by the pool. We exchanged looks and nodded heads/trunks. He won’t forget it.
Walking safaris help you learn about animal tracks, their behaviour and, of course, dung – but game drives are the staple here. You pile into a hardcore 4×4 with a guide and spotter and head into the park. What you see is down to the skill of the driver and the luck of the draw.
Well, we say luck. All guides are connected by radio and constantly updating each other on the whereabouts of the big five: elephants, hippos, rhinos*, water buffalo and lesser-spotted leopards. And therein lies the problem. Word was put out that a pride of lions had been spotted near the entrance of the park so we headed there so fast that we nearly ran one over as it lazed on the side of the road.
But it’s truly amazing to see such animals walking around like they own the place (NB: they do). Due to the nature of the system, within minutes there were about five 4x4s, all closely following the pride of females and young males. Our guide was aware they were being crowded and moved on.
We saw elephants, a pack of ultra-rare wild dogs and wild boar. Leopards though – elusive, they are. We tried for nearly two days to spot one and had no joy. They will be seen if they want to be seen and have zero interest in revealing themselves to us.
*There are actually no rhinos in the Zambezi national park so they’d be pretty hard to spot.
I ate a crocodile, but don’t judge me. Crocodile doesn’t essentially taste of much, but Africa has an abundance of natural produce you can team with anything and it’ll taste fresh. The Lilayi Lodge gave us our first real taste of Zambia, and apart from the crocodile, there was locally caught grilled crayfish or tomahawk steak with a blue chese in a very Western experience with some African flair.
Over at Ciela they can go even more high end with the Botanica intimate fine-dining experience offering a contemporary Afro-French spin on traditional Zambian cuisine. If you want a tasting menu served on a slate or a shell, this is the place for you. On the Zambezi, the food was more rustic but equally lovely.
We ended our stay at the River Lodge – and the Zambezi as a whole – driving to an almost secret location just outside the national park, where preparations were in full swing for our three-course bush dinner. As hyenas looked on (you could actually see the whites of their eyes) we ate stews and locally caught fish, which I had no luck reeling in earlier.
As the servers finished up they assembled into a choir and regaled us with acapella tribal classics. With the crackling open fire, it was the perfect soundtrack to ponder life’s big questions.
Life’s big answers
1) Not much. You can’t move it or shoo one away. You generally have to let a hippo do what a two-tonne beast wants to do
2) It’s a mating ritual, of course. The higher they “pronk” (or jump) the more virile they look to the opposite sex as they are more capable of escaping a lion’s clutches. (NB: This doesn’t always happen and the irony is they get so knackered pronking that a lion invariably gets them.)
3) So, technically the leopard. We found a poor porcupine strewn across the bush with quills everywhere; in fact, I have one. But, the rangers say there was a leopard wandering about with a few quills lodged in its face, so maybe it was a draw.
Book the holiday
- Qatar Airways flies from Heathrow to Lusaka, Zambia, via Doha from £935 return. qatarairways.com
- For more info about Royal Air Charters transfers in Zambia and prices see royalaircharters.com
- Rooms at Lilayi Lodge in Lusaka start at around £254pp a night on full board, including a game drive. lilayilodge.com
- Rooms at Baines’ River Camp, by the Lower Zambezi National Park, start at around £587pp a night on
full board, includes two daily safaris and airstrip transfers. bainesrivercamp.com - Rooms at Royal Zambezi Lodge, by the Lower Zambezi National Park, start at around £520pp a night on all-inclusive with two activities per day and airstrip transfers. royalzambezilodge.com
- Rooms at the Ciela Resort & Spa in Lusaka start at around £136 a night on B&B. cielaresort.com
- More info at zambia.travel
