James Middleton, brother of the Princess of Wales, opens up about his relationship with his sisters Kate Middleton, the Princess of Wales, and Pippa Middleton in a candid interview
Family has never been more important to the Middletons than over the past 12 months as they’ve rallied to support the Princess of Wales after her cancer diagnosis. Kate, 43, emphasised a message of “renewal and resilience” herself this month when she urged us all to reconnect with nature during a personal video filmed on her recent wedding anniversary trip with William, Prince of Wales.
Recording it as part of a Mental Health Awareness Week project, the mum-of-three said nature had been her sanctuary over the past year, and called spring “a season of rebirth, of hope and new beginnings”. Now, as Kate’s younger brother James Middleton, 38, speaks to the Mirror about his emotional and, at times, heartbreaking memoir, Meet Ella, the parallels between his and sister Kate’s approach to life are undeniable.
In this exclusive interview, the youngest of the three Middleton siblings also opens up about how deep their family ties run, and pays tribute to the strength and resilience of his sisters and mother, Carole.
“I’m incredibly fortunate to have my two sisters, Catherine and Pippa, not just as siblings, but as friends,” he tells us. “They’ve seen me at my best and at my lowest, and they’ve always been there when I’ve needed them most.
“Sibling love is something unique, you can’t choose your siblings, it can be complicated, it takes work, but when it’s strong, I believe it’s one of the most powerful bonds there is.”
James says, his sisters played an integral role in shaping the person he is today. The three grew up in Berkshire with their business owner mother Carole, 70, and former British Airways manager Michael, 75.
The trio were “infinitely fortunate” to grow up in a home full of love and laughter, James says, and he pays particular tribute to the three women of the house.
“They’ve always been emotionally open, expressive, and in tune with the people around them, and I think being surrounded by that kind of emotional intelligence rubbed off on me, even if I didn’t fully realise it at the time,” he says.
“Looking back, I think it gave me permission, in a way, to feel things more deeply. That doesn’t mean I always found it easy, in fact, like a lot of men, I struggled with expressing how I was really doing, especially when I was at my lowest.
“But having strong women around me who led with compassion and honesty definitely helped me learn that vulnerability wasn’t weakness it was strength. It probably laid the groundwork for me being able to open up later on, whether in therapy, writing the book, or just in honest conversations with the people I love. And for that, I’m incredibly grateful.”
Kate showed her strength of leading with compassion, as James put it, at last week’s Buckingham Palace garden party – her first in two years – when she spoke to the family of aspiring teenage photographer Liz Hatton. Liz was pictured hugging Kate just weeks before she died of an aggressive cancer in November last year.
The princess told them, “I hope you weren’t overwhelmed. It must be difficult when you are under the spotlight. If you need any help fundraising, maybe I can help. Please stay in touch, really.”
Meanwhile, James, who married French financial analyst Alizee Thevenet in 2021, showed his vulnerability in his memoir, published in September, during what was a very difficult year for the family.
His story, of course, shows an incredibly privileged childhood with a prep school education and foreign holidays, but it also goes into detail about his descent into depression and mental health crisis.
A huge part of his story is what he calls his “darkest night” in November 2017, when he considered suicide. He was “void at my core”, feeling misunderstood and emotionless. Ella was the reason he didn’t take his own life, hence Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life .
There are lighter moments in the book, too, such as the time he suffered what he remembers as a “blind panic” when meeting Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, and addressing them by the wrong titles (and seeing “everyone in the room stifling giggles”).
And when Ella was given special privileges to stay in James’ guest room at Sandringham – only to escape and make her way to the kitchen, with James later comforted by “Well, dogs will be dogs” from the late monarch.
James’ family have told him they’re deeply proud of him, “not just of the book, but of the journey I’ve been on and the fact I chose to share it so openly”, he says.
That said, he is very aware that some of his words have been incredibly difficult for them to read, especially for his mum and dad.
“It’s incredibly hard to see your child go through any sort of pain or struggle, so to read about it in black and white wouldn’t have been easy for them.
“But they’ve been incredibly supportive. I think they knew I needed to write the story to be able to move forward – as they were so concerned about how I’d react when I lost Ella. But it was so healing in many ways.”
Ella – the mother of Kate and William’s late dog Lupo – died in January 2023, shortly before James and Alizee found out they were expecting their first child.
It was the realisation that his son Inigo, now 19 months, would never get to meet Ella that prompted James to record the memories that formed the basis of the book.
“That thought really hit me,” he says. “So I started writing down every memory I could, every adventure, every moment we shared because I wanted Inigo to know Ella. I wanted him to know the dog who introduced his father to his mother, and to understand just how extraordinary she was. Our lives were so deeply entwined. She was a part of me as much as I was a part of her.
“The book naturally unfolded from that connection. And I knew that if Ella’s story could bring someone else even a glimmer of hope, comfort or warmth, then telling it would be worth it. What I thought about most was why I was telling this story. It wasn’t just about me, it was about the incredible bond we can have with animals, and how sometimes they reach us in ways that people can’t. I wanted to honour that, and I wanted to honour Ella.”
Putting pen to paper wasn’t easy and James admits he doesn’t think he could do it again.
“But at the same time, it was incredibly rewarding. Writing gave me a chance to process things in a new way. Getting my thoughts down wasn’t always straightforward. Having dyslexia, I struggled with the structure, so it was, at times, messy, but I had help from [co-writer] Frances Hardy to bring it all together.”
Seeing such an open and personal memoir from someone so closely connected to the royal family is a rare thing, and that fact isn’t lost on James.
But what he finds more surprising, he jokes, is that he’s written a book at all, irrespective of subject.
“I often joke that if my old English teacher had been asked who was least likely to write a book, it would’ve been me, hands down!
“So to have made it this far and for the book to have become a best-seller is humbling. I think it has opened up some new conversations and helped people understand parts of my journey I hadn’t really spoken about before. It’s been overwhelming, in the best way.”
Writing about Ella’s death, on 7 January 2023, was undoubtedly the hardest topic for James.
“I’ve realised that grief isn’t something you ‘get over’, it’s something you learn to embrace. It becomes part of you. Writing helped me make sense of that.
“It helped me honour Ella’s life, not just her death, and the massive imprint she left on me. I also hoped that by sharing the darker parts of the journey, someone else who’s grieving might feel a little less alone. In the end, the joy and the grief are intertwined. You can’t have one without the other.”
In terms of his mental health journey, James says the first and possibly most significant milestone was him acknowledging he might actually be depressed.
“The most major turning point was when I realised I could have depression,” he shares. “James Middleton, who has come from a loving family and infinitely fortunate with his upbringing, could suffer from depression. For a long time, I carried a lot of shame and embarrassment around how I was feeling, thinking, ‘What did I have to be depressed about?’
“It took time and professional help for me to understand that depression isn’t a personal failing. It’s something that can happen to anyone, and it’s okay to ask for help.”
Therapy was another big factor, and it gave him the right tools – such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – to slowly challenge his negative thought patterns.
He also praises Ella, because “she gave me a reason to get up, to go outside, to care”.
“There’s no single breakthrough moment, it’s been more of a slow, ongoing process. But looking back, each step was part of me learning to live more honestly, and to accept help rather than hide from it.”
He doesn’t want the conversations to end here, though, and even cites the statistic that suicide is still the biggest killer of men under 50.
“It’s terrifying,” he says. “It tells us that too many men are still suffering in silence, feeling like they can’t speak up, or that they have to ‘tough it out’ alone and that needs to change and the more people who can speak up about it helps reduce the stigma. We’re starting to talk more openly about men’s mental health, and about the importance of vulnerability, of reaching out, of asking for help, which is great. But we’ve still got a long way to go.”
Now that he’s the father of a young boy himself, James says he doesn’t just want to keep the conversations going, he needs to.
“I want Inigo to grow up knowing that emotions aren’t something to hide or be ashamed of, that there’s real strength in vulnerability and in being honest about how you feel,” he shares. “What I hope he learns from me is that it’s okay not to be okay, and it’s more than okay to ask for help.
“I want him to truly know who he is, to be proud of that person, and to thrive not because he has to fight for acceptance, but because the world around him embraces him exactly as he is. If my journey, and the way I’ve chosen to share it, plays even a small role in helping create that kind of world for him, then that’s something I’ll carry with immense pride.”
Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life (Radar) is out now in paperback, hardback, ebook and audio
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