Campaigners say the true rate of paternity fraud – the intentional misidentification of a child’s biological father – remains unknown
Men are being left heartbroken after investing time, resources, love and energy into raising children they believed were theirs – only to find out it was all a lie.
This breach of trust not only impacts the men who were falsely led to believe they were fathers but also deeply hurts the children involved and others connected to the situation.
Paternity fraud refers to the deliberate misidentification of a child’s biological father. One of the most shocking aspects of this issue is that no one seems to have a clear understanding of its true extent.
How many men are unknowingly playing the role of father – oblivious that their lives could be shattered at any moment? The brutal reality leaves victims questioning their identities and feeling crushed – often wondering how they ended up in such a situation.
Statistics on the percentage of men affected by paternity fraud in the UK vary dramatically according to different studies. Figures vary, with a 2018 study from the University of Warwick estimating 3% and a 2021 study from the University of Oxford suggesting 1%.
Conversely, in one striking study by DNA Clinics, a subsidiary of the BioClinics Group in Salford, looking at 5,000 results randomly selected from January 2014 to June 2016, found that a staggering 48% of the men tested were not the biological father.
These figures are approximations – the true prevalence of paternity fraud remains unknown, highlighting the urgent need for further research. A source close to the situation described it as ‘like a Pandora’s box waiting to explode’ and said the issue was ‘one of society’s last taboo subjects’.
Regrettably, they added, there seems to be an attitude of indifference regarding the damage being done to modern British fathers, their children and others affected by the deceit.
Michael Thompson, 45, from Manchester, believed he was the father of his wife’s child – only to discover the boy he was raising as his son was the result of an affair with a married work colleague. He now leads Paternity Fraud UK, an organisation that provides support to other men who have experienced similar circumstances and believes that mandatory DNA testing at birth would help alleviate the situation.
Michael explained: “It is an utter abomination that you are told you are the father but you are not – the law needs to be changed and we as a society need to work together to stop it. If you told me when we were married that seven years later I would be a victim of paternity fraud, I would have laughed at you. I would never have believed that she was capable of doing this to me.
“She has never apologised or shown remorse. I have gained strength from helping people and we are the only group to my knowledge in this country who helps those affected. I don’t remember one single case where a man has ever received an apology from the offending mother and we have worked on over 30 cases.”
The bombshell dropped amidst lockdown when Michael, like many, found himself with unprecedented time at home. It was then he noticed something about his nearly two-year-old son that gnawed at him, leading him to take a DNA paternity test driven by a nagging doubt.
Michael disclosed: “I just didn’t think the child looked like me. I thought in my head that I was his father but I wanted to check because something was telling me to make sure. My DNA test took ten days to process and that was the worst ten days of my life. Because I had a doubt, I was deeply upset when I got the result and it was confirmed but eventually I was relieved because the truth came out.
“It is unfortunate because I wanted to be the father of the child. It did not change my love for him, it probably became a deeper love when I found out because I accepted it. At first, I was embarrassed and ashamed but the outpouring of support from people who knew me was amazing – they were very sympathetic.”
Michael didn’t immediately walk out on his wife; he aimed to do what he felt was right and initially tried to keep his family together. But as time went on, he felt his wife’s continual disrespect left him no choice but to end their marriage.
Michael has opened up about the heart-wrenching discovery that his wife was secretly taking their adopted son to meet his biological father. “I thought it would be in the child’s best interest for us as a couple to adopt him but then I found out my wife at the time was taking him to secret meetings with his biological father,” he revealed.
Michael, who had fought hard to be the boy’s dad, felt betrayed, believing his ex-wife always knew he wasn’t the father, although she insisted she believed he was. “I wanted him to be mine and I fought hard to keep him – he was very much wanted by me. I strongly believe she knew all along that I was not the father but this cannot be proven. She has told me she genuinely believed I was the father of the child. I was happy for the child because I thought he would have a father figure but it hurt me deeply.”
The pain deepened for Michael when, after leaving the relationship, the biological father ceased contact with the boy. “I am so sorry his biological father walked away from him after his wife found out and forgave him. When I found out later his biological father walked away, my heart broke because the little boy won’t have a dad in his life. I am not happy how he has walked away from the child but I have no animosity towards him.”
Despite the betrayal, Michael holds no grudge against the man who had an affair with his wife, seeing him as a good person who made a mistake. He has met the other man – who has other children – and believes the blame lies with his ex-wife.
Michael vented his disappointment, stating: “I never want to speak to my ex-wife ever again. I would ask her if she was cheating on me and she denied it until the cows came home. My mother was completely devastated as she thought she was the grandmother of the child. She is suffering greatly to this day, it is like a living bereavement for her. If my ex-wife just told the truth at the beginning, so many people would not have suffered.
“The suffering that one lie has bought, I cannot even quantify it to you. It is difficult to put into words how this has affected us. Time does heal, it does get easier as time passes however I am still in pain. And although I have learned to live with it – it will never go away.
“I think a lot of the time the motivator is for a woman to gain financial resources. I believe they primarily do it to provide a secure environment for them and their child. If the biological father cannot provide then they look for another option. They claim it is a genuine mistake and hide behind this as an excuse but there is a big problem with holding people that do this accountable. Because it is not easy to prove.”
Michael added: “The DNA technology is available so there really is no excuse nowadays. I am very much in favour of mandatory DNA testing at birth because it would change things completely. A man should not be put on a birth certificate if he is not the father.”
Michael has spoken out about the devastating impact of paternity fraud, stressing that it’s far from a victimless crime and affects everyone involved, from the child to family and friends. Sharing his personal experience, he said: “I don’t blame fathers if they don’t want to know because they love the child so much and it is a tough decision for some. But I am glad I did it because the truth needed to come out.”
Highlighting the historical prevalence of the issue, he added: “Paternity fraud has been around since humans existed, it has only been in the last 30 years or so that we have been able to use science to confirm who the parents are – this is an issue that needs more light shone on it. I realise that this is an uncomfortable topic for many but it is doing a lot of damage to our society and it erodes trust. I am hoping if a woman is doing this or thinking of doing this that knowing the potential effects on others close to them becomes a deterring factor. What if this happened to your brother or your father?”
Michael emphasised that support is available for those affected and encouraged men with doubts about their paternity to reach out to his organisation. “People find it hard to speak to me on the phone, they feel shame and I get that but there is nothing for them to be ashamed about.,” he said.
He concluded with a message of solidarity and hope: “I hope that by me telling my story, it encourages others to come forward and seek the help they need. I know there are thousands of men out there who would benefit from speaking to us.
“I say to them, you are a victim of this, you have done nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel ashamed of here. Quite often the fraudster will try to blame the victim, and gaslight them but we will help you if you come to us. We also need to make it easier for men to get compensation if they are a victim. Our organisation have a support group and we do signpost our members to legal professionals. Some of the stories we have heard are just horrendous.”
