From an early age, Jewel Shuping ‘knew she was meant to be blind’, even staring at the sun in the hope of ruining her healthy eyes. Then, when she reached adulthood, she took dangerous action to ensure she would never see again
For many people, losing their sight would be a life-changing, harrowing ordeal, but for Jewel Shuping, going blind meant fulfilling a lifelong wish.
Jewel lives with Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID), a psychological condition where patients believe they are supposed to be disabled, even if they are perfectly healthy.
From early childhood, Jewel longed to be blind, believing this was how she was “supposed to be born”, and would even stare at the sun for hours in the hope of damaging her healthy eyes.
This turned out not to be a passing phase, and as she entered her teenage years, Jewel leaned into her blind identity further.
She began wearing dark sunglasses and carrying a white cane. She even learned Braille, becoming fully fluent by the time she was 20. For years, she got by with “blindswimming” – pretending to be blind – but this wasn’t enough for Jewel, who ultimately took drastic action to deliberately destroy her eyesight.
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Speaking with Barcroft Media in 2015, Jewel, then 30, explained: “The idea kept coming up in my head and by the time I was 21 it was a non-stop alarm that was going off.”
And so in 2006, Jewel, from North Carolina, managed to find an unnamed psychologist willing to pour drain cleaner into her eyes, in what she has revealed was an agonising and lengthy process.
The horrific procedure started with the psychologist pouring numbing drops into each of her eyes, before applying two drops of the drain cleaning fluid.
She recalled: “It hurt, let me tell you. My eyes were screaming, and I had some drain cleaner going down my cheek, burning my skin. All I could think was, ‘I am going blind, it is going to be okay.'”
Jewel and the doctor waited 30 minutes before seeking medical help, by which point it was too late to restore her sight. It took approximately six months for the damage to take full effect, rendering Jewel blind, as she’d always longed to be.
Looking back on this time, Jewel claimed: “I was so happy, I felt that this was who I was supposed to be.”
This controversial decision has put a strain on Jewel’s relationship with family members and even led to her mother and sister cutting her off completely.
Despite these challenges, however, Jewel says she’s never been happier. The woman says she doesn’t feel as though she had any other choice but to go through with the dangerous procedure.
“The way I became disabled doesn’t really matter,” she argued. “I went blind on purpose, but I don’t feel it was a choice.”
Going forward, Jewel wants to raise awareness of BIID, and to encourage other sufferers to act far more safely than she did. She warned: “Don’t go blind the way I did. I know there is a need, but perhaps someday there will be a treatment for it.
“People with BIID get trains to run over their legs, freeze dry their legs, or fall off cliffs to try to paralyse themselves. It’s very dangerous. And they need professional help.”
If you are affected by anything covered in this article, please speak to your GP.
Do you have a story to share? Email me at julia.banim@reachplc.com
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