Former Liverpool midfielder Jason McAteer opened up on his struggles with depression and discussed the moment he considered suicide following the end of his career as a professional
Jason McAteer struggled to hold back tears as he divulged his mental health struggles after retiring from football.
The former Liverpool and Sunderland midfielder, who retired in 2007 after a spell with Tranmere Rovers, discussed the difficulties he suffered following the end of his careeer. McAteer struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts as he attempted to adjust to a life not centred around playing football.
The 53-year-old broke down as he detailed how he once considered intentionally crashing his car, while on his way to pick up his son. McAteer made clear he still misses taking to the pitch.
The former Republic of Ireland international sat down with ex-Manchester United and Arsenal defender Mikael Silvestre for beIN SPORTS’ Tales, Tears & Trophies podcast , in an emotional conversation. McAteer opened up on struggled filling the time following his professional career.
“I just had no purpose, mate, it was no structure,” he said. “The TV stuff, I mean I wasn’t working every day of the week.
“It would be like maybe one show a week or maybe two shows a week. It was very sporadic. Days and days and days with nothing to do, yeah.
“And I got to the tunnel, that tunnel between the Wirral and Liverpool. My child, who I was keeping this relationship with under difficult circumstances, lived on the other side of this tunnel.
“And I was driving through the tunnel, and it upsets me, because it takes me back to this moment because I can feel it. And as you go out the daylight into the tunnel light, it’s like this kind of light.
“I remember thinking to myself, I’m just going to swing the car here and just end it. That’s how easy it is. And I was fighting myself not to do it, fighting going ‘do it, do it, do it, do it do it’.
“And I’d be like, ‘no’. ‘Do it’. ‘No’. And I’d be fighting the steering wheel and I remember coming towards the end of the tunnel and it was like the daylight was opening up.
“And I remember coming out the tunnel thinking ‘thank God, just thank God’. And I went to get my little boy, because I always used to take him to the pictures. I took him to the pictures and I drove home.
“I got to my mum’s. My mum lived 10 minutes around the corner and I knocked on a door and I remember just saying, ‘I can’t do it anymore. That’s it, that’s it’. And I was just at that point.
“Oh man, it was tough. Just like everything had gone… I don’t half miss it. I miss… I miss everything about playing. I miss it.
“Yeah, I just miss it. Just like running, just running out, just running out, just free on a footy pitch. No problems…”
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