Relationship and break-up coach, Paige Moyce has taken to TikTok to explain three things you should never do in the immediate aftermath of splitting from your partner
Just seven days on from Valentine’s Day, today (February 21) marks a much less affectionate time of year – National Break-Up Day.
If that’s something you’ve had to endure recently, a relationship and break-up coach may have just the advice you need to get you through what is likely to be a tough period. Paige Moyce took to TikTok to warn others of the “absolute worst things” you can do in the immediate aftermath of a break-up.
“I say this to all my clients – in an emotional rollercoaster,” she began. “One minute you’re up, and the next you can be down and completely numb. But I’m here to tell you the things you should not do.”
Avoid the ‘rebound’
“The number one thing to do is stay away from rebound relationships – normally for the first eight weeks,” Paige affirmed. “You are in rebound mode and if someone comes along and makes you feel good during that time, you instantly attach to them because it’s a positive thing that’s happening to you in your life.”
Whilst it might take your mind off the break up at least momentarily, it’s not a good thing because you need to heal, Paige warns. “That means for the first little while, being on your own.”
Measuring your healing
Paige continued, explaining that you should always avoid “measuring” your healing within a timeframe. “You shouldn’t be saying to yourself, ‘It’s been two months – I should be over it now’,” she said.
“There is no time limit on healing,” Paige shared. “The first part of time after a break-up, you’re not actually healing, you’re just starting to see things clearly and that can be really painful.” She stressed the importance of being “patient with yourself” and giving yourself time and stopping putting any “time constraints” on yourself.
Don’t go back
“Thirdly, please don’t go back to your ex just because you miss their presence or you miss them,” Paige demanded. She reemphasised: “You need to give yourself at least eight weeks of no contact before you’re going to be able to think clearly on whether you ever want them back.”
Whilst it might seem very easy to go back during that period – you’re brain may try and tell you it’s the right thing as it’s your “comfort zone” – Paige ensures that “change and growth definitely doesn’t happen in our comfort zone”.
She concluded: “So give yourself that time and don’t let loneliness trick you into believing that you need to go back there. You left for a reason. Remember that reason.”
Paige’s advice clearly resonated with the TikTok community, with more than 4.2 million users of the platform tuning in to listen to her advice. “Thank you, just broke up,” one person responded. “You are helping me so much.”
A second wrote: “I just got dumped. Been crying for hours and finally decided to type in ‘break-up healing’ and found this. I REALLY needed to hear this. Thank you.”
A third person shared their experience: “Took me eight weeks to stop constantly checking my phone for his calls/messages. Six months on and I’m still dealing with the trauma but getting there.”
Whilst a fourth also praised Paige, writing: “I needed this thank you, I’m about three weeks into no contact with a guy I love, but he wasn’t good for me.”
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
