Jason Cranwell discovers his love of great whiskies and theatrical tour guides on a trip to Edinburgh, taking a trip to the Johnnie Walker Experience in the city centre
Whisky drinking is a pastime I have always been happy to leave to other people.
In truth it was to avoid the risk of it leading to a more fulfilling existence than my overdraft can handle. A bit like collecting vinyl or having a second child.
So given that the itinerary for this two-day trip to Edinburgh – the home of Hogmanay – included a visit to the Johnnie Walker Experience, the dread I felt as a Peroni guy wasn’t so much caused by wondering if I might have to feign enjoyment, it was about the potential repercussions of exiting the tour with a spirit(ual) epiphany.
After answering some questions about my palate, I was soon tentatively sipping my first tailored whisky sample. Decent. Then the second. OK, this is not unpleasant. And then the third. A celestial cocktail creation whose recipe is now committed to memory in perpetuity like a school assembly hymn. Hold my beer. I’d like a Johnnie & Cream Soda Highball topped with cold-brew coffee and a sprig of barley, please.
Eleanor took us on a voyage of the Johnnie Walker Experience’s immersive rooms – a maze of sleek, 360-degree wall projections, hand-gesture recognition and flashy LED effects. The Princes Street facility cost an eye-watering £150million to construct and it shows.
Evie, a young woman resplendent in bowler hat, tails and cane, was cast as chief storyteller, playing the part of the company’s eponymous striding founder, often while gliding past the seated audience on a mini travelator. Just because she could, I guess.
There was a certain genius to it. Close your eyes and you could be listening to a Wikipedia biog entry. Open them and you find yourself captivated by this Whisky Wonka, regaling us with tales of 1800s globetrotting adventures in search of the perfect blended malt.
It was interesting to see how the tour guide job profile has been transformed. These days, if you have ‘theatre student’ on your CV you’re going to get hired ahead of the history graduate who swotted up on facts and figures. This was also evident at The Real Mary King’s Close, an underground labyrinth of 17th century dwellings off the Royal Mile that is remarkably preserved.
Draped in a period-drama smock-frock and ghost-white foundation, Makenzi adopted the role of ancient maid for an hour-long narrative spanning plagues and bomb shelters, with her one-liners and pauses for effect making it feel more like a Fringe performance than a tourist attraction.
After all that dress-up, a change of pace was provided at Valvona & Crolla, a traditional Italian deli on an artisan stretch by Leith Walk. Established in 1934 by Alfonso Crolla and now run by his great-granddaughter Olivia, what initially appears to be a quaintly single-file family shop stretches out to a series of extensions with treasures at every turn.
Take a sharp right at the end of the cheese counter and you uncover reams of custom-labelled wine bottles hand-selected by the V&C team. Go left up a few steps and you discover a restaurant with an eclectic clientele – from Insta-savvy young professionals to local retirees spilling the afternoon tea. With the possibility of delicious antipasti, panatella and pasta paired with a highly recommended wine-tasting session hosted by the in-house sommelier for £38, who says you can’t put a price on authenticity?
Head further down Leith Walk and you start hitting some of the more hipster hotspots on the outskirts of town.
The seafood-focused Plaice at host venue ASKR on Constitution Street is officially a pop-up restaurant so it may eventually morph into something else. Regardless, you are in safe hands with former MasterChef finalist Dean Banks and his team, who have turned cooking fresh into a healthy obsession while simultaneously nailing the “neighbourhood” vibe they’re going for in Leith with spray-paint artwork and dry-aging fish hung up on display behind glass doors like museum artefacts that should be gawked at.
I had a starter plate of scrumptious peri-peri tiger prawns that I scooped out on to my oyster-buttered warm sourdough bread, inadvertently creating the bougiest sandwich ever. My main course of bluefin tuna, caught in British waters but served up Japanese-style and bathed in sesame oil, topped it all off.
Accommodation prices in the capital are notoriously steep during Festival season and Hogmanay, but avoiding those peak periods there are plenty of competitive options and Moxy Edinburgh Fountainbridge must be one of the most appealing for the metropolitan traveller. Situated a 15-minute stroll from Haymarket train station, they have ring doughnuts on the breakfast buffet, table football in the lobby, Chappell Roan on the speakers and witty slogans on the walls.
I would share some of the hotel’s puns but I have reservations…
On the sixth floor you’ll find the Moxy’s crown jewel, the Lochrin Rooftop Bar, voted Hotel Bar of the Year at the prestigious 2024 Scottish Bar and Pub Awards.
There aren’t many better ways to enjoy an evening refreshment than by taking a seat on the outdoor terrace and gazing at Edinburgh Castle as the sun goes down.
Bar manager Calum Gilhooly, very much a VisitScotland poster boy with his brown tweed blazer and bothy beard, invited our party to a cocktail masterclass where we took shots, in every sense, making one of the Lochrin’s various signature cocktails from scratch under expert supervision. I did start to wonder if this could be a new career path for me if the puns don’t work out, but maybe that’s just the drink talking.
The final station on this two-day eating and drinking extravaganza was fetching Broughton wine bar Rollo. I must give a shout-out to our delightful server Georgia, who addressed every customer as “dahling”, making it feel like we had time-travelled to a 1950s glam-chic dreamworld.
Oh, Edinburgh, I think I’m smitten.
Book the holiday
Rooms at the Moxy Edinburgh Fountainbridge hotel start at
£99 a night B&B. marriott.com
More info at edinburgh.org visitscotland.com
