Deborah Gatesman’s dad, James, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2002, with the “caring” family man sadly losing his ability to speak as the condition took hold
A devoted wife who dedicated herself to looking after her husband during his battle with Alzheimer’s has herself tragically received a diagnosis of dementia.
Deborah Gatesman watched her father, James, succumb to Alzheimer’s after being diagnosed in 2002. Described as a “caring” man, James eventually lost his ability to communicate, a symptom that Deborah, a key worker, noticed when he began to be “quieter” and had trouble finding words.
Doreen, James’ steadfast spouse, provided unwavering care throughout his decline. Nevertheless, it was an arduous two-year battle before she secured the diagnosis that permitted access to the vital care and support she so urgently required.
In his final days, James could no longer feed himself, faced a severe risk of choking, and was entirely bedridden.
Alzheimer’s disease is a form of dementia that is part of the broader category that dementias fall into. As the NHS explains, it makes up most dementia cases along with vascular dementia.
The Alzheimer’s Society outlines dementia as a set of symptoms affecting memory, language, problem-solving, and behaviour, including issues with memory loss, decreased mental agility, judgement, mood, and language difficulties, reports Bristol Live.
Doreen devoted 15 years to caring for her husband. He was moved to a nursing home and later to a hospice, where he sadly passed away just ten days after admission.
The family’s trials continued when, seven years on, Doreen began exhibiting symptoms of dementia. Deborah’s mum also faced challenges in securing a diagnosis.
Currently, Doreen has been diagnosed with ‘non-specific dementia’, as she is considered too fragile for a CT scan that could determine the exact nature of her condition.
Early indicators for Doreen included disorganisation and a diminishing interest in food, which led to Deborah frequently discarding uneaten food. It was an innocuous question that cemented Deborah’s suspicion that something was amiss with her mother.
She recounted: “But I really started to notice that she started off by saying, ‘I’d like somebody in the house when I have a bath’. Because of my mum’s bad back, she had a bath seat. She’s had a bad back all my life, and she had a bath seat to get her in and out of the bath, but she said, ‘I’d like someone in the house when I have a bath’, which I don’t think is particularly weird when you’re in your 90s.”
Deborah detailed how her requests for light housekeeping while her mum bathed escalated with a care firm, stating: “The next thing I knew, this carer was bathing her. And then, this was quite further on, but then in one week, she left the gas on twice. I had to get the cooker disconnected, and the neighbours were buying her lunch from the local bakers every day.”
She continued, expressing concern about her mother’s diminishing appetite: “And she sort of had a ready meal, but then I found she wasn’t eating stuff. I was finding lots of… I was throwing a lot of stuff out of her fridge and she just lost, you know, the interest in eating, which is a real worry because she was losing weight. Really far on, it was the gas. I mean, it’s literally something every week that she seemed to not be able to do.”
Alzheimer’s Research UK, which has teamed up with Omaze to bolster funding for their drug discovery efforts, has shared a sobering statistic: one in two individuals will witness the devastating impact of dementia on someone’s life. The charity also notes that 22 people will end up caring for an affected loved one, and 11 will tend to someone before eventually developing the condition themselves.
Deborah shared her personal ordeal: “It just seems so unfair that this has now happened to my mum. I feel so cheated she looked after my dad during his dementia for all those years and now she has it. I just wanted her to be able to grow old gracefully, for her own benefit. It took her two years to get my dad a dementia diagnosis.”
She went on to say: “What I’ve learned is that two people with dementia will not display symptoms in the same way, nor will their condition progress at the same rate. After what happened to my dad, I think I was in a state of denial about mum for a while because I didn’t want it to be true. Dementia robs you of the person standing in front of you – my mum’s still there but she’s not the person she was. The diagnosis process needs to be clearer – people deserve to be given accurate information as soon as possible.”
To learn more about dementia, visit the NHS website here.
