A reader asks agony Aunt Coleen for advice after feeling like she’s being taken advantage of after her friend orders a whole bottle of wine, then insists on splitting the bill
Dear Coleen
I have a close friend who I’ve known for many years and we meet up every so often for lunch and a catch-up. For a long time, we were able to meet at a local pub and we’d always share a bottle of wine together.
However, recently our local closed, so I started offering to drive us to another pub, which I was happy to do, and I was also fine with not having an alcoholic drink.
Here’s my dilemma, which I hope doesn’t sound petty. Although my friend knows I won’t have a drink because I’m driving, she still puts a bottle of wine on the tab and drinks the whole thing herself, and then asks to split the bill 50/50 when it’s time to leave.
Honestly, I feel she is taking advantage of me, and it really winds me up! I also think it’s possible she has a drink problem. Part of me wants to make an excuse not to go next time, and part of me thinks I should try to help her face her alcohol problem.
It’s an annoying situation and I don’t know how to best handle it. What would you do?
What advice would you give to this reader? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
Well, first off, I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she has a drink problem just yet. When she meets up with you occasionally, it might be the only time she has a whole bottle of wine to herself. My point is, tread carefully and approach it from a supportive angle, and don’t mention it as part of the conversation about the bill.
As for leaving you with a bill for booze you haven’t had, I would be direct and say something like, “As I’m driving and not drinking, could you cover the wine?” because, let’s face it, she could just order a glass.
So, it is cheeky not offering to pay for the alcohol, which is expensive. I don’t drink, but when I go out with my friends who do drink, they always say, “Oh, no, Col, you’ve only had a cup of tea, we’ll pay for the booze”. But if they didn’t offer, I’d have no problem saying, “Guys, I’ll pay my own bit, as I didn’t have any booze”.
If your friend is upset, just stand firm and explain that you were happy with a 50/50 split when you shared the bottle wine, but now you’re not drinking any of it, plus you’re also covering the cost of petrol.
But I really hope you don’t have to get into a verbal tennis match about who’s paid for what over years of friendship.
