A woman is devastated after finding out her husband ‘violated her privacy’ by snooping in her personal belongings – but he thinks his actions were completely justified
You shouldn’t keep secrets from your partner that could ruin your marriage, but it doesn’t mean you have to tell them absolutely everything that happens in your life.
We all know being sneaky and secretive in a relationship is almost never a good thing, and can often lead to a loss of trust between parties and, eventually, the breakdown of the romance. But there’s nothing wrong with holding some things to yourself either, especially if you like to keep a journal or diary for the sake of your mental health.
One woman, however, has been left devastated after her husband stumbled upon her diary and decided to snoop through it – and then argued with her when he found out what it contained.
In a post on Mumsnet, the woman said she “gets a lot” from writing in a journal every day as it helps to regulate her emotions. She confessed she has written down some things when she’s “frustrated” with her husband, but when confronted, she told him he shouldn’t take it “personally” as it’s just a way for her to “process her feelings”.
She also told her husband she was “upset” that he would “violate her privacy”, but he hit back and claimed “there should be no closed doors in a marriage” so he should be allowed to read her journal whenever he wants.
The man also insisted he read the contents because he was “concerned” about his wife, and argued she could upset their children if they were to read it in the future. He further claimed he would “never write down unpleasant things about anyone and it’s malicious”.
In her post, the woman said: “I don’t really write much about the children in there unless it was something like ‘Ted is starting school! So emotional buying his uniform’. And what I do write about my husband is pretty mundane like, ‘argued about the bin’. I just put it in if I’m feeling annoyed and then I feel better.
“I have ZERO desire to read through his phone or his diary if he had one. I feel a bit weird if anyone gives me their phone to do something on because it feels like an intrusion, even with permission. Am I some sort of crazy secretive loon or do most people have these boundaries?”
She argued that “don’t read someone’s diary” should be a “universal unspoken rule”, and most commenters agreed with her. Many said her husband’s excuses weren’t good enough, while others encouraged the woman to keep her diary in a locked box from now on.
One person said: “Get a little lockbox and keep it in that. I fundamentally disagree with your husband’s claim that marriage = zero privacy. I suspect most marriages would collapse pretty quickly if spouses actually shared every thought with each other.”
Another posted: “Absolutely outrageous behaviour, I’d be furious and feel exposed. Of course there should be privacy in your marriage – like another poster said, if my partner knew every bad thought I occasionally have about him he’d be gutted. Some things we choose to leave unsaid for a reason.”
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