Resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a man who’s fallen for someone he works with who’s 15 years younger, and newly divorced after her husband cheated on her
Dear Coleen
I’m a 53-year-old single man and I’ve fallen for one of my colleagues, who’s 38. She’s also single after a painful split from her husband, who’d been having an affair.
Her divorce came through in January, which she told me she was relieved about, but their five-year-old daughter is struggling apparently, so things are still challenging. In the past we’ve been out for a drink after work with colleagues, as well as a couple of times on our own. We get on very well and I’m also divorced so we have that in common.
However, the last time we got talking, I admitted my age and she seemed taken aback. I’m assuming she thought I was younger, as people often tell me I look a lot younger than 53.
Since then, she’s been a bit cool with me at work and, when I’ve suggested a drink, she’s made excuses, usually to do with getting home for her daughter. I’ve realised how much I like her, but I’m now worried my age is an issue. The other night, after a few beers, I messaged her to invite her for lunch and also suggested it might be nice to go away together for a night.
Straight away I regretted it, as it seemed quite forward, especially as there’s been no romance between us. It’s been four days and she still hasn’t replied, and she’s clearly avoiding me at work. What do I do now? Do you think the age gap is a problem and can I rescue the situation?
Coleen says
I think you probably need to back off a bit. As you say, it’s not clear if she has any romantic feelings for you, so it feels like a big jump to go from lunch to a night away! Maybe the 15-year age gap has freaked her out a bit or perhaps, like other people, she was just surprised.
It could be that she’s just not ready to get involved, especially if she’s juggling work and caring for an unhappy child. Most mums would put their child first in this situation and that’s probably what she’s doing – trying to keep things stable and as normal as possible for her daughter.
Also, the ink has barely had a chance to dry on the divorce papers, so she may want some time on her own to figure out what she wants.
I think she now knows how you feel, so don’t bombard her with any more messages and see if she makes a move. But I think you have to be realistic that friendship might be all that’s on offer right now.
But, if you slow down, be a friend and don’t put any pressure on her, you never know where things might end up.
