A woman has said she is trying to ‘regain control’ in the dating world by putting men on ‘probation’ and treats her dating life more like a business deal so she doesn’t waste her time
A no-nonsense dater has revealed that she sends men a bullet point ‘job description’ when it comes to dating her so that she can clearly outline her expectations.
Company director Charlie Puchala treats her dating life like a business deal and puts her potential suitors on a “short probationary period” to make sure they are the right fit for her.
She says she does this in her professional life, which is “highly effective,” and wonders why people place lesser value on personal interactions when dating. However, she says her strict instructions are met with “absolute compliance” and loves being able to watch men in their “natural habitat”.
Charlie, who’s in her 40s from Sydney, then analyses the man’s behaviour after three months before making a decision, and if successful, will then ask them to sign an agreement.
“I set a short probationary period with neat bullet points of our desired outcomes and a measure of how well the interaction over the three month period stacked up against that. We have set probationary periods for our professional milestones which work efficiently and are highly effective, why then do we place lesser value on our personal interactions in dating?
“It is about adjusting our mindset to treat our personal time with as much value as our professional time,” she explained, and when she tells her dates about the programme, is often met with laughter.
But when she follows through with a text message ‘outlining the job description’, men understand she is serious. Charlie said she does this so there is “no confusion”, and it also gives them a “reference point back if they forget”, something she said at some point they all “conveniently do”.
“This is always met with humour at first, then bewilderment and then absolute compliance. They seem to enjoy the clarity and when things don’t go according to the job description they are quick to say, “Hold on I could have done better here”. I think setting clear precise rules of engagement allows men to see if they are willing and able to meet our needs and it allows us to see if the level of their performance is worthy of our time.”
Because of her transparent system, Charlie said she never corrects behaviour during the probation period and said there is no need to tell other people if they’re treating you well or not as “they already know this” and said your role is to “watch the animal in its natural habitat” as that’s the only way “you will see what they are really like.”
So after the three month probation, Charlie will then measure up the man’s level of enthusiasm, the’ability to willingly meet the requirements’ and the level of emotional and mental connection before going any further. If it all goes well and she’s happy with the outcome, they can then embark on a serious relationship.
She further added: “I also have personal agreements which my dates are required to sign if I am considering long-term dating like Non-Disclosure and Non-Claims to Financial Assets.”
But this was only introduced when she became aware of how feelings of excitement and romance can cloud judgements at the beginning of a relationship and said it’s not long before we realise the person we’ve invested so much time and energy into is actually not a good relationship.
“Those feelings then turn to desperation, we start trying to change them or ourselves to fix it. Or we walk away feeling a little more tarnished and jaded than before we started. Never mind the complete waste of time that we could have been working on our professional lives or building an emotional connection with someone else,” she explained.
Therefore, Charlie believes that women need to be “smart” and not shy away from having tough conversations as they need to “regain control” of the dating world. “Would I continue to date someone who did not want to sign my contracts? Absolutely not, I would walk away in 30 seconds and never look back.
“I think women should regain control of the dating game, learn how to construct their dating playground and understand the toys which they possess to play with. The new era of the dating game, online apps and in-person is not for the ill-prepared, men have smarted up their game… They come prepared with a list of demands and requirements and try to manage our expectations from their first interaction with us.”
She concluded by saying she doesn’t want “any old shoe” approaching her, and said they had better show up as “designer dinner shoes” that have been laced up before she will even consider them as “potential players in my playground”.
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