Exclusive:
Susan Laurie recounts her harrowing battle with alcohol addiction, from hitting rock bottom to finding a path to recovery and reclaiming her life.
A mum has told the Mirror’s new Back from the Brink podcast that she can recall the moment she accepted he was going to die from her alcohol addiction.
Susan Laurie, 57, from Surrey, never imagined she would fall into the grip of alcohol addiction, let alone that she would nearly lose her life to it. Looking back on her battle with booze, she reflected on how her dependence crept up on her, subtly at first, until it became an undeniable problem that left her alone and fighting for her life.
She said: “What I do realise now looking back is that it did creep up and that there was no way in a million years that I thought in my head that I was the sort of person who would develop a problem with alcohol. I think my story just shows that you do need to be careful because it can get its claws in. And I think people don’t realise that once it does, once you cross a certain line, it’s so difficult to beat.”
Susan told Cecilia Adamou, host of Back from the Brink podcast, that she initially began drinking in her early 20s when out with friends or colleagues while working in the pharmaceutical industry. Like many people, she admitted that she would often drink to boost her confidence.
Gradually, though, she began drinking more and more until members of her family began noticing changes in her behaviour. She said: “Even when my son was around five, my early to mid-30s, he saw me pouring a glass of wine and said, ‘Mummy, I like it when you drink tea best’, because it changed my personality.”
Her drinking progressed further and further until her first stint in rehab at 39, and when that didn’t work, her second just a few years later. In between, she was in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous, counselling and hypnotherapy but despite having short bouts of sobriety, Susan explained that she couldn’t stick to it. Lying to those around her and hiding alcohol around her house, she began falling out with friends and family.
She said: “My life became more and more chaotic and there were so many broken promises and so many lies. So, at the end, I can remember being in trouble with the police and on more that one occasion walking up in the hospital with my husband next to the hospital bed and I was on a drip and I honestly couldn’t even remember how I got there.”
It was during this time, in 2015, that Susan hit rock bottom and as her drinking progressed to a 24/7 habit and her relationships with loved ones crumbled. Her husband, unable to cope with the chaos, moved out. Her son had also moved away to attend university and she was left alone in the grips of her disease.
She recalls it vividly: “Being awake was to drink, and drinking was just to pass out. And even if I wanted to sober up then, I couldn’t because of the serious withdrawals that I would have. My life was just awful.”
She added: “I had tried everything, and nothing had worked. In the dark alone, I would think about dying and accept it, and how I would be remembered for being an alcoholic and nothing else. How my death, although sad, would probably be a relief to everyone, and how much I would miss everyone, especially my son.”
Susan recalled that one morning, she woke up to find she had no alcohol by her bedside. Instead of rushing to buy more, as she had so many times before, she reached for her phone and sought help one last time. It was a decision that would save her life. She recounted the moment in detail on the show.
“I don’t know what happened, but I believe someone was looking down on me but I couldn’t find the alcohol that I had hidden. Normally, and I am shamed to say this, I had no qualms about getting in a car. If I needed alcohol, that was the most important thing. I knew I was going to go into withdrawal and I just decided that I wasn’t going to get in the car. I wasn’t going to get more alcohol. I was crying, I was praying for help.”
That day, after a Google search she had done countless times, she found a new type of treatment online that she had never tried before that addressed the root causes of her addiction problems – the feelings and problems in her life that she had never fully faced. Remarkably, against the odds, Susan was able to pull herself back from the brink of death and completely turn her life around.
Now working for a charity, Susan dedicates much of her life to breaking the stigma surrounding alcoholism and helping others who may be struggling as she once did. She said: “I feel, apart from feeling really lucky that I’m here, I feel like its almost a duty to use that knowledge.”
Her journey has taken her from the depths of addiction to the halls of the House of Lords, where she was invited to give evidence at the Commission on Alcohol Harm. By sharing her story, Susan hopes to raise awareness and show others that even when addiction feels insurmountable, there is always a way out.
You can now listen to Susan’s full interview on the Mirror’s brand new podcast, Back from the Brink. New episodes are available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts every Friday.
