Proud mums to four beautiful children – three daughters, aged 10, three and one and a seven-year-old son – Stacey and Laura-Rose Thorogood now campaign for equal rights to fertility treatment for all.
Laura-Rose, 38, an account manager and CEO, says: “We have lobbied Parliament about making changes to the system. We’ve had meetings with MPs and met with the Government and made recommendations in Parliament, and we really hope that one day soon our collective Fertility Justice campaign will be successful and everyone can be treated equally and fairly.
“We have received hate mail, trolling and death threats because of the work we do, which is upsetting for us and our family. But it’s sadly the landscape for people like us. It can be a cruel world out there, and we want to provide a voice for our community, and make ourselves heard.”
Laura-Rose and Stacey, 42, who works full-time for LGBT Mummies – the organisation they formed to support LGBTQIA+ women and people who are trying to have a family – met through friends in 2007 and knew straight away that they wanted to be mums.
They tied-the-knot in a civil partnership in July 2011 – changing the paperwork in March 2014 when same sex marriage became legal, so that they were legally wed. Laura-Rose continues: “We started trying for a family in 2012. Stacey suffered from severe polycystic ovary syndrome, and doctors had told her that she would never conceive or carry a pregnancy to term. But she was desperate to give it a go.
“We both wanted to be involved in creating our family and had a long chat about it. As long as Stacey could fall pregnant, there was no reason why she shouldn’t be able to carry a baby, and I had no known fertility problems at that stage. We knew we wanted to have a big family, so we would both, hopefully, have an opportunity to give birth.”
With Stacey being slightly older and knowing she may have fertility issues, the couple, who live in the east of England, decided she should be first. “We tried intrauterine insemination first,” says Laura-Rose. “We went to a fertility clinic and chose a sperm donor and went for treatment. It was an emotional rollercoaster for us both. Stacey had three attempts at insemination which failed, and fell pregnant on a fourth try. We were excited, but tragically she lost the baby before three months.
“We had never thought it was going to be this tough. We held each other and cried at the loss of that little life. But we knew that we wanted to carry on trying. However heartbreaking it was, we wanted to be mums more than anything.”
Stacey had a fifth attempt at insemination before discovering she was pregnant. Laura-Rose said: “We tried not to get too excited. We had already lost one baby, and we didn’t know if she would lose this one too. We made it to the 12 week scan, and looked in wonder as we saw our baby wriggling around on the screen, waving her little hands. It was the most amazing sight. Maybe this was going to be it – that we would be mothers now.
“The rest of her pregnancy went smoothly and she gave birth to our gorgeous daughter, now 10, in 2014. We were finally there at last, holding our baby girl. And Stacey had defied the doctors’ predictions, and had managed to have a baby.’
A couple of years later, Laura-Rose went for intrauterine insemination treatment, using the same sperm donor, and it worked on the second time. Her pregnancy went smoothly and their son, now seven, was born. Laura-Rose says: “We didn’t want to stop there. After a few years, we decided we wanted to add to our family. I felt passionately that I wanted to carry again.
“We had IUI again, and it failed three times. Further tests showed I had a diminished ovarian reserve. Time was running out for me.” Opting for IVF, Laura-Rose’s eggs were collected and fertilised with the same donor sperm as before. Then two embryos were put into her womb. It didn’t work, which was devastating, but we refused to give up again. And on the fifth attempt, I finally fell pregnant,” she says.
“We were over the moon. My pregnancy went smoothly and I started to have contractions and went into hospital. But I had an incredibly traumatic birth with our third baby, who is now three. And when we thought about having another, Stacey said she would like to carry again. Luckily, IVF worked first time for her and she gave birth to our daughter, now 18 months, in September 2023. “
Using the same sperm donor for all their children means they are all genetically related, which is what the couple wanted. But having a family has been a massively emotional and a hugely expensive process for the mums.
“We researched getting NHS IVF, only to be told that our local CCG did not provide same sex couples with free treatment, says Laura-Rose. “We didn’t apply for it because the policy advised us we were not eligible.”
According to Laura-Rose, same sex female couples in 38 out of 42 Integrated Care Boards across England have to pay up to £25,000 for treatment, or have 6-12 rounds of private treatment before the NHS will fund it, whereas that doesn’t apply for heterosexual couples. Of being LGBT, she says: “It doesn’t make us any less able to have a family, and we still want a family just as much as the next person. So we deserve to be treated equally.’
She and Stacey started LGBT Mummies, to support LGBTQIA+ women and people who are trying to have a family. But campaigning for equal rights has been another tough journey. Laura-Rose says: “When we are out, people try to work out which of the children are mine, and which are Stacey’s which is frustrating, as we have built our family together as a partnership.
“Our children are more aware of it now they are growing up and sometimes it can be difficult for them, and people can be unkind, but others are really accepting too. They tell other children they have two mums, and they think it’s amazing and say they want two mums too. They are loved, and happy, so we are definitely doing something right.
“And being from a queer family means that our children are very accepting and compassionate. They know what it’s like to be different, and know that being different is ok and deserves to be celebrated.” Labour MP for Jarrow and Gateshead East, Kate Osborne, says: “I’ve been campaigning for equality in IVF provision for decades, it’s been 15 years since I had to jump all of the financial and physical hurdles same sex parents face and the situation now is much worse.
“The Fertility Justice campaign is sorely needed, people should not be priced out of having a family.Ministers have been promising action for decades. Now we need to see urgent reform to eliminate the ‘gay tax’ same sex female couples face when accessing IVF and we must urgently remove unnecessary tests and additional barriers that people face and have equality in access to IVF.”
An NHS spokesperson said : “These clinical services are commissioned by integrated care boards (ICBs) for their area, based on the needs of the local population and prioritisation of resources available. All ICBs have a responsibility to ensure services are provided fairly and are accessible by different population groups.”
