Mum-of-two Lucy Parker says spending time apart from her two young children makes her a better parent and allows her to pursue interests including work, travel and dating
Lucy Parker insists spending time apart from her children makes her a better parent – but not everyone agrees.
The 35-year-old says she felt “run into the ground” before her marriage broke down and she split custody of her daughters – six and four – with her ex.
The new arrangement meant Lucy, who runs her own business from home, had more time to get on top of work, not to mention socialising, dating and travelling. She also has “more energy” to be present when she is around her children.
But when the freelance content creator shared her thoughts online, many commentators said her viewpoint broke their ‘hearts’ and some even asked her: “Why did you have kids?”. Lucy, insists she isn’t a bad mum however and doesn’t want other parents to feel any shame at wanting a break.
“It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids because you don’t want to see them everyday,” she said. “My kids don’t want to see me everyday. I don’t think that makes me a bad mum – not wanting to be with your kids 24/7.
“The last six years I have felt like I have not been fully present as a mum or businesswoman. It’s become vital for us both that we have been able to have that break.”
Lucy, who hails from Berkshire and now lives in Perth, Australia, has always been career driven and was keen to carrying on working when she had children. She said her ex-partner was very supportive of this but she put too much pressure on herself as the main income earner.
As her job was flexible, the mum-of-two often found herself juggling work and childcare. “I have got the skills to work from home and watch the kids,” she said. “It was both a blessing and it completely ran me into the ground.”
Lucy put pressure on herself to earn £20,000 in just three months so she could relocate her family to Australia, going onto work every minute she could. When the couple decided to separate in October 2023, the exhausted mum felt relief at the idea of co-parenting.
“We said we’ll split the care 50/50,” said Lucy. “As soon as that happened I went: ‘OMG I’m going to get a break’.”
Lucy now has the children 60 per cent of the time but her ex-husband will take on extra days when their youngest starts school next year. She feels it makes her a better mum.
“Now I have split I have started dating – I can do it when my kids are not there,” said the social media marketer. “My dream has always been to travel and I had put that on hold. Now I can do that – just every other week.
“I’m filling up my cup. I can come home and say look at what mummy did this week. I have the energy.”
Lucy is honest with her kids about wanting them to be apart from her, telling them their time dad is “just as important”. And while she misses her kids when they are with their father, she doesn’t call them while they are away from her as she feels it would upset them.
“It’s OK to ask for a break,” she advised. “It’s OK to not want to be around your kids 24/7. If it’s damaging your health or mental health try and do something that is going to help.
“If you’re not at your best it trickles down to the kids. That’s when they suffer.”
