This Morning star Kate Lawler has opened up about her marriage struggles and admitted how couples therapy saved her relationship with husband of three years Martin Bojtos.
Incredibly, it’s been more than two decades since Kate Lawler made history as the first woman to win Big Brother . But the 44-year-old still has the same cheeky, playful demeanour that won over viewers as we sit down for an exclusive interview.
Now a doting mum to five-year-old daughter Noa and two dogs, who she shares with husband Martin Bojtos, Kate tells us she’s mellowed since her escapades in the famous house. “When I was in my twenties I partied hard. But then, in my thirties, I became a dog parent. I started to settle down and do more wholesome things at the weekend,” she explains. “I reduced my alcohol intake and went to the gym a lot more.”
Kate says she’s glad there’s little evidence of her wild days on Big Brother back in 2002, including in-house romances and breaking tables with Alison Hammond. “I could not be happier that I did that show before social media,” she laughs. “I think I would have been cancelled!”
One thing Kate does use social media for is to speak candidly to her fans, including sharing the highs and lows of motherhood with Noa – a journey which hasn’t been easy following a battle with postnatal depression.
“When I first had Noa, I felt like nobody was really being honest on social media about how the first year of parenting is, how it’s possible that you can love your child with every fibre of your being, but also find it really mundane and hard. It’s life-changing.“
Admitting that it took a toll on her relationship with Martin, who she met in 2013 and married in 2022, Kate says, “I feel like nobody talks about how tough [becoming parents] is on your relationship. So I’m like, ‘Hey, just so you know, if your relationship is in a bad place after having a child, it’s completely normal.’ There are tools out there to help you. If it wasn’t for our therapist, Diana, I don’t know where we’d be.”
Fast-forward to today and Kate is fresh from celebrating Noa’s fifth birthday as she chats from her hotel room during a countryside getaway with her family. As she jokes that her little girl has successfully milked the celebrations for all they’re worth, it’s clear she dotes on her little one.
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“Watching her develop and become more independent is just crazy and marvellous,” she smiles. “I absolutely love being a mum. I’m so pleased I did it because it took me a long time to be persuaded.”
Do the couple want any more little ones, we wonder? Kate says, “We had this conversation at breakfast. Noa was like, ‘I really want you to have another baby.’ But I actually want another dog, not a child!
“I’d love to give Noa a brother or sister, but I’m just too tired. I’ve only got the ability to look after myself, my husband, my toddler and my two dogs. I have nothing else left!”
Kate, who has a new podcast called Boj & Kate Have A Lot On Their Plate , admits she sometimes struggles to get the work-life balance right. “I do put pressure on myself. My husband’s always saying, ‘I can see you burning out again, I can see you’re about to have a breakdown. You have that look in your eyes,’” she explains.
“So, yeah, it’s tough to balance work and life and time for yourself. My nails are gross – I don’t remember the last time I went for a pedicure. I need to get better at that,” she says, playfully hanging her head.
One thing Kate has decided to make more time for this year is exercise, which has slipped out of her routine recently. “I’m perimenopausal now, fully in the throes of all the symptoms that come with that phase of my life, and lifting weights and exercise is paramount to helping you feel better. I’m trying to exercise more than I normally would, which is tricky because my husband and I launched the podcast a few months ago and it’s taken up a lot of my time.
“That’s why having dogs is amazing – no matter what, I’ll go out and do a dog walk, even if that’s all I do,” she says. It’s clear throughout our chat that Kate’s dogs, Border Terrier Baxter and mixed breed terrier Shirley, are her pride and joy, as she stops every now and again to give her adorably excitable pooches some love and attention.
Explaining how important they are, she says, “The unconditional love you get from a dog, no matter what kind of day you’re having, is amazing. They’ve not come without difficulties, but my dogs are a joy. They are just magic. They have the ability to transform your mood just by staring at you with those big eyes and jumping on you. Shirley puts her paws on my shoulder and has a cuddle and licks my ear. It’s slightly annoying, but she just wants to be on my lap and I like that. She loves cuddles.”
Passionate about keeping dogs protected, Kate is working alongside Adaptil for its Pet Anxiety Month campaign this month. As a dog mum to two anxious dogs herself, she knows it’s not easy.
“I rescued my second dog about seven years ago, and her anxiety was off the charts,” she says. “I wish I’d heard about Adaptil back then because she was really anxious on walks. If she saw any dog, she’d bark at them. She was anxious around people as well, to the point where if you approached her too quickly, she’d roll on her back and wet herself.
“With time, trust and training, we managed to get her confidence up and she became less anxious, but over the last few years she’s really struggled with fireworks. So I was looking for solutions to help calm her down around firework season, and that’s when somebody told me about Adaptil.”
After seeing first-hand how her dogs have struggled with loud explosions, Kate is lobbying for more rules to be implemented to protect our four-legged friends.
“It’s about time laws were changed around fireworks and their use,” she says. “I’m not saying we should ban them – fireworks are historically part of our culture and people have the right to enjoy them – but it’s getting to the point now where fireworks are being let off all year round.“It’s not just about dogs, it’s for all wildlife, animals on farms, people with PTSD. The law needs to be changed so that fireworks can only be purchased by big organisations and firework displays should only happen one weekend a month. For all other festivals and events, have some drones or silent fireworks.”
Kate emotionally admits that she is preparing her young daughter for the reality that Baxter, in particular, won’t be around forever as he has kidney failure and has had pancreatitis.
“We’re currently making up a little box of his footprints, things like that, to remember him by. My husband thinks I’m preparing Noa too much, but I just think at least she’ll be ready when it does happen. I’m definitely ready now, especially after he had pancreatitis again recently. It’s super painful and older dogs generally don’t recover as well, so he’s lucky he’s got over it twice.
“It’s horrible to watch them in pain,” she adds. “I know we’ll put Baxter to sleep when the time comes. I don’t want to do it at the vet’s. I want to say goodbye to him in our home.”
Kate Lawler is working with adaptil.co.uk on its Pet Anxiety Month campaign
