Zayn spoke about his sadness at One Direction fallout with bandmates and painful time on The Factor which has further fuelled his grief for ‘lost brother’ Liam Payne
It was no secret that Zayn Malik and Liam Payne had their differences – but this week’s tragedy has put things into perspective for the former One Direction star.
The bandmates clashed on many occasions but in an emotional tribute to Liam after his death, Zayn spoke of his sadness that the two never reconciled properly.
Liam fell from his hotel balcony in Buenos Aires and suffered “very serious injuries incompatible with life.”
But earlier this year, the 31-year-old also spoke of his regret of how he left behind his bandmates – Liam, Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles and Niall Horan.
During his interview with US radio host Zach Sang he admitted: “The main thing that I always feel bad about when I look back over my life is not enjoying the band enough.”
Reflecting on their time being on The X Factor as five solo singers working together, he said: “We were young kids that were just thrown into this situation.”
“Now I can look at it in a positive light and be like, ‘All these guys came from similar backgrounds to me. They had nothing. They worked their asses off’. [But] we resented each other to a certain degree because [we felt] we were solo artists that were put in a band.
“I feel like I just took things too seriously and I’m grateful that I’m able to be happier now. I had this teen angst thing going on, a chip on my shoulder where I’m like,’‘It’s really cool to just be moody as f*** all the time.'”
Last year, Liam spoke out against Zayn, saying he had “mixed feelings” about his bandmate, who quit One Direction in 2015. He explained: “There are many reasons I dislike Zayn and there are many reasons why I’ll always be on his side.”
“If I had had to go through what he went through, through his growth and whatever else. My parents are overly supportive, to the point where it’s annoying at times, and Zayn had a different upbringing in that sense.”
In an emotional tribute to Liam this week, Zayn posted: “Liam, I have found myself talking out loud to you, hoping you can hear me, I can’t help but think selfishly that there was so many more conversations for us to have in our lives. I never got to thank you for supporting me through some of the most difficult times in my life.”
He added: “When I was missing home as a 17 yr old kid you would always be there with a positive outlook and reassuring smile and let me know you were my friend and that I was loved. Even though you were younger than me you were always more sensible than me, you were headstrong, opinionated, and gave no f***s about telling people when they were wrong.
“Even though we butted heads because of this a few times, I always secretly respected you for it. When it came to the music Liam, you were the most qualified in every sense. I knew nothing in comparison,l was a novice child with no experience and you were already a professional.”
In 2015, Zayn shocked fans by quitting the band, blaming stress and saying he wanted to be a “normal 22-year-old”.
While in One Direction, he struggled with an eating disorder and later had to cancel solo gigs because of his crippling anxiety.
Speaking about his mental well-being in interview with US radio host Zach Sang he said: “I think when you get a level of acceptance and love for yourself, then it’s easier. It’s not as much of a struggle. It’s been a development over the last years for me. I just got sick of just feeling like there was a cloud over my head.”
Zayn found joy when his and then girlfriend, supermodel Gigi Hadid welcomed baby daughter Khai in September 2020.
But a year later he and Gigi split up. During the acrimonious separation, Zayn entered a no contest plea to four counts of harassment against Gigi’s mother Yolanda Hadid. He was sentenced to 360 days of probation, and anger management and domestic violence education – ending his relationship with the supermodel.
